Miscelaneous Jokes

Right - now there was this man who had just got married and was spending his wedding night with his new wife in a very posh hotel. It was to be the first time that he had ever had sex with his partner, indeed he had never seen her with no clothes on. As they were both undressing, he looked up from taking his socks off to notice that she did in fact have completely huge breasts. He said as much to her, but the poor girl who had always had a bit of a complex about them got very distraught at this. So much so that she sent him with a blanket to go and sleep in the corridor.

The man was pretty upset at this, but not wishing to fuel her anger further, did as he was told. Just as he was getting off to sleep another man came into the corridor to join him. The first man asked the second why he was out there, to which he replied that he was also on his wedding night and had never had the pleasure of seeing his new wife's body before either. When she was undressing, he had suddenly exclaimed out loud what an absolutely enormous bum she had got. She hadn't really been very impressed with this outburst, and had ordered him to go and sleep in the corridor.

It wasn't long before jilted honeymooner number three sulkily sauntered along to join the other two. "What's wrong with you?" asked the first, "did you put your foot in it as well?"
"No," replied the third, "but I bloddy well could have done"


Q: What's the most painfull part of a sex change operation for a man? A: The removal of the brain and the widening of the mouth!!!

FAMOUS LAST WORDS INVOLVING THE WORD 'FUCK'...


What does it say at the bottom of an Irish milk bottle?
"Open other end"

What does it say at the TOP of an Irish milk bottle?
"See other end for instructions"
What does it say at the top of an Irish step ladder?
S T O P!
How do you get an Irishman to burn his ear?
Ring him up while he's ironing.

The car suddenly grinds to a halt on a lonely country road. The driver tries to restart it but to no avail. So he gets out and opens the bonnet and starts fiddling with the plugs. Suddenly he hears a voice. "The left hand carburettor is blocked, why don't you drain it and the muck should come out too". He turns round and can see no one, so he shrugs and goes back to what he was doing.
"Drain the muck out of the left hand carburettor", says the voice again, and when he turns round all he can see is a black horse with its head over the hedge looking at him. Again the voice tells him what to do and he suddenly realises that the horse is giving him instructions. Too shocked to argue, he does as he is told, starts the car and sure enough it works. He drives down to the nearest pub and, rushing in like a madman, has a stiff drink. Then he says to the barman, "My car broke down up there and a horse told me how to repair it".
The barman looks at him and says, "Was it a black one?"
"Yes."
"Good, the white one knows nothing about cars."
Q:Why do women have pussies?
A: So men will talk to them
Q:What is the definition of a woman? A: a life support system for a pussy!!!!

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