Those three magic words "I love you" are words that are important and meaningful in any culture. But there are four words that are not said nearly enough by families interacting with kids or people interacting in a team environment.
In all forms of leadership, whether you are a coach, a CEO, or a parent, there are four words that, when said, can bring out the best in your team, your employees, and your family.
"I believe in you."
Those four words can mean the difference between a fear of failure and the courage to try. When you look someone in the eyes and tell them, "I believe in you," you are letting them know, "You are not going to take this journey alone. I'm not going to allow you to." When someone believes in you, it helps you overcome the anxiety that comes as a result of feeling alone. Belief raises your confidence level and allows you to try things that are impossible to do by yourself.
On a team or in a family, belief makes each individual stronger and also fortifies the group as a whole. You know that there is somebody to give you that extra push when you need it to overcome an obstacle.
When a group shares belief you share the brunt of any defeat, making it easier to turn a mistake into a positive. Likewise, successes feel even better because you share the rewards. You have all been a part of the success. In an atmosphere of belief, both wins and losses are shared.
Belief does not occur naturally; you have to work for it, earn it, and continue to deserve it. The basis of belief is in individual relationships. If I lie to you, I create a breach in that relationship, and it becomes more difficult for you to believe what I say. As powerful as belief can make you and your team, it is also fragile. You have to take care of it.
Belief in Action
When I think about belief, the first person that comes to mind is my associate head coach, Johnny Dawkins. My first couple of years at Duke were difficult times. In two seasons, I had a 27-30 record, and many critics were anxious to see me fired. In my first couple of seasons, my staff and I tried to recruit a large number of kids and had fallen short on most of them; we had cast our net too wide. So we changed our strategy. We decided that we were going to be much more focused in our recruiting effort, giving us a chance to form meaningful relationships with the few kids we were trying to bring in.
Johnny Dawkins was a highly touted high school standout from Washington, D.C. I can remember spending time with him and his family in the living room of their home and I remember his spending time with my family at ours. My four-year-old daughter, Lindy, even handed him a note asking him if he was coming to Duke, providing "yes" and "no" boxes for him to check. Johnny and I bonded instantly. I knew he was something special.
Recruiting in those days was more difficult for me because I had no résumé to show. I didn't have a winning record and we had not won any championships. So, in recruiting Johnny Dawkins, who was being pursued by all of the top schools, I was really asking him to believe in me, even though I didn't have any tangible reasons to offer as to why he should.
He was our first major recruit, our first major talent, and our first McDonald's All-America. I can never emphasize enough what Johnny's commitment to meand to Duke meant to our future success. As much as a great player needs a start, needs someone to believe in his ability, a coach needs a start too. I did not always win at Duke. There was a time when we were nowhere near the top of the college basketball ranks. I needed someone to believe in me. Johnny did that and I am so thankful that he did.
After coming to Duke and having an incredible career, scoring more than 2,500 points and being named National Player of the Year, Johnny was a successful lottery pick in the draft and had a long and successful career in the NBA. And, as much as Johnny showed belief in me, I always believed in him as well. If he missed four or five shots in a row, I would remind him to keep shooting, to treat every shot like it was his first. Because we both exhibited mutual belief, we developed an amazing bond as a coach and a player. Following the example set by him, we have continued to have success in recruiting some of the top high school players.
As if he hadn't already done enough, Johnny came back to Duke as a coach, and our bond continued to develop as head coach and associate head coach. And there is no one more qualified to pass on our shared belief to others than Johnny Dawkins, whose power to believe got this whole thing started.
Johnny was a trailblazer. His commitment to Duke and our mutual belief stands as the foundation of the tradition we have established for our program: a foundation of strong belief. My assistants and I continue to go into the living rooms of talented young men and tell them that we believe in them and ask if they, too, will believe in us. And, thanks to Johnny Dawkins, the example has been set. When those youngsters agree to believe in us and we commit to believing in them, great teams, players, and traditions are born.